Let No One Think I Gave In
by Karai III
Summary: A traumatic experience leaves Alex with an unhealthy attachment to a certain soldier who's quite frankly in over his head. Plot and chap 1&2 adopted from ovolamp.
1. Chapter 1

**For those of you who saw this story before its brief hiatus, welcome to the continuation from where ovolamp left off. **

**For those of you didn't;  
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**The talented ovolamp felt that she would not be able to continue this lovely story for her own reasons. So she put it up for adoption.**

**I'm glad to have been given the privilege to adopt it and perhaps continue it acceptably to all of your expectation. **

**I'm currently trying to better synchronize my writing style with ovolamp's so that the transition from her work to mine is less stark. **

**For the most part I'm having trouble with the tenses. Any constructive feed back will be much appreciated. And of course praise is welcome as well. :)**

**These first two chapters are her original work with minimal changes. **

**Chapter three is the beginning of mine.**

**As I said feedback is much appreciated**

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It's not like war; Wolf would know, he's seen war, experienced it – and he knew that when he took a life in combat, it was only to protect the ones he loved most.

It was justified.

…

It's not like assassination; Wolf has never killed a man in cold blood, only in the heat of battle – but he knew that to be assassinated was to be murdered.

In this instance, murder would have been more merciful.

…

It's not like torture; Wolf hasn't been tortured, but he's seen what it can do to a person – and he knew that it could shatter a hardened soldier into pieces.

Because even though it was like torture, it was much, much worse.

…

This was pure, unadulterated evil.

* * *

Cub's body is perfectly preserved. There aren't any marks except for the life leeching slits on his wrists that are still weeping from where they are submerged in the bathtub. The water is a bright red and has a thicker consistency that it should. It's still lukewarm to the touch, but the kid, the kid is unbearably cold.

Dead.

It's his face that Wolf can't look away from.

Where his body had remained relatively untouched, his youthful face had suffered.

The kid's nostrils, his lips, his eyes had been… sutured shut. And the dried blood crusted on the white string used to do it, indicated that the kid had been alive when the bastard had done it – alive and aware that he was about to be slaughtered.

Wolf briefly wondered what the teenager had felt as it happened.

Probably fear, he decided vaguely, reaching up and gingerly swiping the wetness from his eyes. He hoped it was resignation, hoped that the kid hadn't been holding out for someone to save him. Then, in his final moments, realized no one was coming.

God, Wolf hoped that the kid knew it was over.

He moved as though to go to the vulnerable figure of his fifth teammate, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Wolf glanced up and met the misty gaze of Snake, "The detectives don't want us fucking up the crime scene, Wolf."

Wolf nodded.

Snake jerked his head towards the door, "Let's get out of here."

His voice is cracked and filled with remorse.

So is Wolf's entire sense of being.

They move out.

…

'I'm not dead.


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm not dead._

…

The stitches were professional, taut and neat, a work of art, or so the bastard had said. They were unbearably tight and stretched his skin painfully; the feel of them was almost as bad as when his tormentor had sewn them in.

The memory of the needle being pushed through his flesh, over and over again, with calculating precision and sheer ruthless, instilled a demoralizing fear.

Had he been able to shudder, he would have.

But he couldn't.

His body was completely unresponsive, and it wasn't because of the blood loss. Because, in all honesty, the blood in the bathtub he was lying in, was not his. It belonged, according to his captor, to a rather unfortunate piglet.

His wounds were merely superficial, merely for show.

Alex wasn't meant to die, at least not yet.

He was meant to suffer.

"_The venom of the black widow, Alex, is quite elegant," the man explained casually as he drew Alex's eyelid towards him and pierced his needle through, "during the exacerbation phase, which occurs within the first twenty four hours of being bitten, or, in your case, injected, the victim will experience a variety of symptoms."_

_He pulled the thread through, slowly, "Your symptoms, dear Alex, are bradycardia - a very slow heartbeat -, piloerection - which happens when you become so cold you develop goose bumps - and, last, but certainly not least," he paused briefly as Alex elicited a barely audible whimper, and grinned at the boy, sadistically "paralysis."_

The sutures on his left nostril were looser and less tidy – a purposeful act -, leaving a small gap for Alex to draw in air, however minimal the amount.

It hurt to breathe.

Eventually, his determination would dissipate. As his would-be-rescuers filed into the room, one by one, and misread the signs, he would become disheartened.

Eventually, he would allow himself to asphyxiate.

…

It was meant to be slow.

The needle, slick with red, went down the drain.

The thread was stuffed surreptitiously amongst the feathery insides of a cushion.

The used injection was placed, quite obviously, in the fridge.

What was a murder, so ingeniously creative and perfectly illustrated worth, if he didn't leave behind a clue that would lead them to the horrifying truth?

They're own incompetence killed him.

He smiled.

It had been ten minutes since a 'domestic violence' call was placed at the local police department, seven minutes since he'd crawled into his law enforcement uniform, five minutes since 'Officer Stanley' had radioed in that there was a body.

Two minutes since he'd left the apartment, traipsed down the stairs and handed the 'crime scene' over to superior authority, looking mighty distressed as he did so. _'He's only a boy! Who could do such a thing to a child?!'_

One second since he'd vanished into the chilly London night. …

'_Officer who?'_

Alex could hear them.

"The detectives don't want us fucking up the crime scene, Wolf."

They'd hardly said a word upon entering – Wolf had murmured something about it being his fault, Snake had squashed the notion instantly. Alex had mentally screamed that it was about to be Wolf's fault, if he didn't fucking realize he was alive and well and _dear god, please help me, please…_

Then silence.

'_Please help me.'_

Someone sniffed, another person shifted.

'_Help me, help, please, I'm not dead, I'm not dea-'_

There was a heavy sigh.

"Let's get out of here."

Floorboards creaked.

'_No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.'_

'_I'm not dead, I'm not dead!'_

'_Help me! Please, I'm alive, I'm alive!'_

'_NO!'_

"Fuck it. Give me a minute, Snake." Wolf's voice, rough with emotion and oddly muffled sliced through Alex's terror induced haze.

"Wolf," Snake intoned warningly, "that's not a good idea."

A beat

"I know."

Footsteps, unbearably slow made their way back into the room. Alex listened intently as they drew closer, closer, closer, and then paused.

'_Please, Wolf. I'm begging you, please. Come closer, feel my pulse, I'm here.'_

"Cub," the older man breathed wearily, "Oh Jesus, Cub."

'_I'm alive.'_

Gentle fingers ghosted across his ashen face and Alex would have flinched had he been able, the contact was so sudden. They trailed over his cheek, down to his chin, then back again, before tentatively running over his closed eyelid.

"Fuck," Wolf murmured hoarsely, "look what the bastard did to you, Cub."

They rubbed delicate circles into his forehead; the warmth from the man's fingertips a merciful reprieve against the onslaught of cold.

'_Lower, lower, lower, lower.'_

His calloused hand gently ruffled blond hair, "I'm sorry."

'_Please, I forgive you; I'll do anything, please… Just help me…'_

"I'm so fucking sorry, Cub."

'_Help me…'_

"Wolf," this time the voice has a French lilt to it in a near whisper, "we've got to vacate the area, mate. The detectives are here…"

"Coming, Eagle."

The touch lingered for a moment more, the soft pad of Wolf's thumb drifting over the boy's top lip tenderly, before freezing as something warm fluttered against it.

"Holy fuck…" Wolf breathed in stunned horror.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 has been completely redone because it was rushed and uneven and generally amateurish feeling to me. I have learned a lot in my time away.**

* * *

Alex's sluggish heart leaps.

"What is it !"

Wolf's fingers hastily find the junction between Alex's jaw and neck.

Alex wills his pulse to be stronger; surer.

'_Yes, yes, see I'm alive, I'm still alive. Help me, please'_

"Fuck, he's alive Skye."

Wolf scrambles to pull Alex from his near deathbed, stained a crimson red. Cub's body is completely limp and impossibly cold.

"Get Kyle in here!"

Snake recovers from his shock and rushes from the room to obey.

As soon as he leaves the vicinity of the bathroom and its sinister gloom, he's is confronted by the authorities, detectives and paramedics alike, who've come to investigate the homicide.

"Quickly, in here he needs help."

EMTs rapidly shove past and Wolf is roughly pushed aside. His mind is reeling and the possibilities of the last minute weaken his soul.

_Cub_

The doubtful voices of the medics draw his attention back from a dire almost-reality.

_Look at all the blood in there; there's no way he could be alive. _

Wolf forces through the door asserting his presence in the tiny bathroom.

He stares at the prone, marred form.

_How could he be alive? _

Wolf braces himself against the cold tiled wall. Everywhere is cold.

_And Cub... so fuck'in cold he had to be dead._

_He can't be alive._

Wolf pulls back his hair, distraught and confused.

"I've got a pulse."

"My God!"

Wolf snaps to attention, watching, forgotten in the corner of the room.

_Stay with us Cub_

The paramedics increase their efforts

"Hang on kid. We've got you."

"Get rid of that goddamn thread so he can breath. God so help the wicked bastard who could do this to a child."

Wolf leaves the room quietly

_Indeed_

His comrades study his face.

"Well?"

"He's alive." his voice is barely audible

"How?"

"I don't know." Wolf seems to crumble in on himself. "I can't believe...I"

"But all the blood in the tub," Snake's expression reflects confusion "who the fuck can survive that?"

The paramedics wheel Alex pass a moment later. His marred face is covered with an oxygen mask minus is eyes, the bloody lashes hidden altogether under bandages, his wrist are bandaged as well. One of the paramedics steps aside, addressing Wolf.

"Its a really fucked up shit who can do that to somebody." He whispers harshly at Wolf.

Wolf's distress shows on his face.

The paramedic roughly jerks a thumb in the direction of the bathroom "The blood in that tub doesn't belong to him."

Wolf's expression becomes more pained and his face pales further.

"His wrist have barely bled at all."

Wolf's hand is shaking with effort to repress his rage as the paramedics carefully wheel

Alex down the stairs to street level.

"Someone tried to fuck with our minds and it nearly worked." the paramedic gives him one more meaningful glance before joining his coworkers at the bottom of the steps.

Eagle shifts his gaze from the man's retreating back to his comrades. Their eyes reflect his desire for answers.

"Why would someone do this to him?" He exclaims in overwhelmed confusion. "I mean what the fuck?"

"I'm more concerned with who did this." Snake's eyes flash with a glimmer his comrades rarely ever see.

Fox is talking to the two officers who are milling around gathering info while forensic photographers and other personnel stream in. Wolf leans back heavily against the wall, separate from the thrall of efficient, almost detachment, clawing at his hair in self recrimination.

"I almost fucking missed it." his mutters sound breathless with a horror like unintentional murder.

Its so quiet his teammate don't look up at first, they're all contemplative or answering questions or otherwise occupied with the gravity of the situation.

His sudden outburst brings all heads around to him.

"I nearly finished the fucking job!" for lack of a better outlet his fist connects with the wall bloodily.

"Don't you see" he addresses the room at large "The goddamn shit planned it like this, and I... we almost left." He seems to partially deflate again "We fucking assumed he was dead. God, what if was still conscious."

Eagle stares for a moment, appalled, before turning to one of the detectives taking in the info, "He must have poisoned him, paralyzed him or something, some reason he didn't fight back." his voice sounds slightly strained "That kid doesn't go down without a fight."

"You know him well then?" One of them ask

"Yeah," Fox answers pointedly "We know him well."

The man, the lead on the case, looks back and forth between the men, taking in the steely anguished expressions, the hardcore demeanors.

"I take it your ex military, maybe SAS?"

"My troop's on rotation," Wolf answers with a crisp nod towards his teammates.

The detective has the grace to look contrite for a moment before he plows on, nodding in his matter of factly way.

"That means you can appreciate that what I'm telling you stays in this room; not for public consumption yet, you understand."

"What is it?"

He has the mens' undivided attention and he knows without a doubt that he can trust them, that the victim means something to them, something profound; they've weather through something together, perhaps. They can only be a help going forward.

"There were two murders earlier this month about a week apart, exactly the same M.O. no clues left. With this third attempt this beginning to look like a serial killer."

He watches their faces darken in turn comprehending the state of the situation. Their leader seems keenly volatile in-fact. He steps away from the wall.

"If this kid can re-," he continues doggedly

"Alex," Wolf corrects him directly

The detective nods respectfully "If Alex can remember anything at all about this man, we might be able to stop him from doing this again.

"When they slip up like this and make mistakes, that's when you catch them."

Snake nods succinctly before pointing out, "You need to find out what the hell he-"

He's interrupted by the detective's partner , younger, less hardened, sharper. "Lestrad, take a look at this." He holds up the artfully discarded syringe, mostly empty, left as a declarative 'Fuck You'.

Lestrad eyes the icon of pride, noting the remnants of a milky substance clinging to the sides. "Well, fuck me if that isn't a start."

* * *

**Now that's different right? Let me how you feel about these two knew chapters compared to the old.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**I am utterly aware that it has honestly been years since I've updated anything. Soooorry! Would it suffice if I said I'm a slow writer. No? I didn't think so but its true. That and I've been really caught up in the Supernatural fandom. I've taken note of some of the absolutely exquisite pieces I've read over there to influence might writing now.**

**That being said ****you need to re-read chapter 3**** for those of you read before this update. I really couldn't stand the way the other chapter sounded and felt so it has been completely revamped. I repeat you will not understand this chapter if you don't reread that one.**

**Thank you for your infinite patience and wisdom, and all that good stuff. Please review let me know how it compares. **

* * *

Wolf feels nauseous listening to the nurse describe Alex's injuries and after care. Despite the damages he has afflicted in the name of patriotism and the interest of the British state, the phrase "scratches on his corneas from the needle point" still turns his stomach.

Alex is still, sleeping off the effects of his close call. It was touch and go for a bit when Wolf had first arrived. He was grateful for his teammates understanding in giving him some space with Alex. But watching the frenetic energy of doctors and nurses, racing around in a frenzy that can only be understood as chaos, testing, unsure why he was tanking; misreading the hyperventilating, sluggish pulse, emerging shock; Wolf could have done with better company than Mrs. Jones. Except for the fact that she was able to get the tests results from the syringe processed faster.

Thanks to that, Alex is doped up to his gills in anti-venom, and muscle relaxants. Watching them slowly take effect, watching the child fight his cellular battle, oblivious to to his company, Wolf feels acutely tired and harrowed himself; like a family member out of their mind with worry. No, like a parent. He feels as though he should have prevented this, could have.

He gently smooths the boy's blond locks away from the thin white gauze covering his eyes under the soft, translucent blue visor. Its taped down so he can't scrape it away in distress when he first wakes. His lacerated eyelids and scraped corneas need to heal. The doctors say his eyelashes might temporarily fall out because of the trauma. That he'll needs drops regularly for a week to heal the eyes and prevent infection.

That he'll need someone to take care of him.

Wolf tears his eyes away from Cub's damaged ones to his bandaged wrists, thinking of how deceptive the weeping slits had been.

Working off of assumptions; dangerous shit.

Looking over his relaxed body in general, its easy to see that he's been slipping, falling in on himself ever since Jack was deported. He's thinner, beyond slim, no longer as fit. Less than healthy, to be honest since the Faisalabad mission. And therein lies Wolf's blame, since he knew this. Was present for the aftermath of Cub's insubordination in fact. He had felt that sending Jack back to the States was harsh, yes, but he didn't necessarily offer his assistance to stop the downward spiral either.

Who'd have known that the crash at the bottom would have been so fucking devastating. Because Wolf has no illusionary ideas about Alex coming through this unscathed.

"Who could?" he thinks

* * *

They say its possible for a person to wake up from a sleep or coma with their last conscious thought at the forefront of their mind. The fear or anxiety on resume. Eagle and Wolf find out that this is true.

Eagle's sitting by Alex's bed later that night, occupying the chair Wolf had indirectly declared as his own, watching Wolf pace in the expansive private room, explaining exactly why he was at fault.

Eagle doesn't blame him for the current situation; he's pretty sure Alex won't either, but listening to the string of events and their consequences, he can see why Wolf does.

Because someone should have stood up to MI6 to soften the heavy handed blow Alex was dealt for his part in the failure of the Faisalabad mission. But not Wolf. He hadn't been in the position to do that anymore than he had already been trying to.

To be fair those sort of missed placed loyalties and second thoughts to the cause that had led Alex astray are exactly the sort of thoughts of a teenaged boy with no guide in a hard situation. To be precise, he shouldn't have been in that sort of situation in the first place.

To go so far as to evict him from his childhood home to the second rate flat where he'd eventually been attacked was exceptionally harsh, to put it mildly; but it wasn't Wolf's fault.. Neither was the fact that Alex was alone at the house at the time. He lived alone for Pete's sake and he wasn't inclined to taking many visitors.

Wolf having extended the invitation to join team at his place to watch the game had been a caring, thoughtful act in itself. And the decision to follow up when Alex stayed worrying absent despite accepting gratefully was nothing short of life saving.

Eagle looks up again from his contemplation at Wolf quietly heated voice.

"Its just not fucking right. You understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I get it," Eagle answers conversationally before give his best mate a hard look. "But it wasn't your prerogative to stop it or even fix it either."

Wolf stops his pacing, looking mildly annoyed thinking he'd had Eagle's supportive derogatory input.

"Don't be arrogant," Eagle continues firmly "You did what you could."

Wolf flops into the other, less comfortable chair a second after a dejected look fleets across his face.

"Somebody should have stopped it before it got to this. That's all I'm saying."

"I know, Ry, I know," Eagle answers softly, watching Cub's features begin to scrunch in discomfort.

"He's waking up." He whispers to Wolf who sits straighter dragging his hand off his face.

They suddenly realise he's mumbling to himself. The same mantra over and over in a desperate voice till they hear what it is he had needed them to hear; "I'm not dead, I'm not dead, please don't leave, please don't leave.

"My God," Eagle whispers reaching for the boy's hand.

"Alex, Alex listen," Wolf calls him softly, rubbing a rough palm up and down Alex's arm. The smooth skin reflects the tenderness of his age.

"Your safe now buddy. We didn't leave. You're okay now."

The look the two men share from across the opposite sides of the bed is pure anguish when he wont be consoled. He deadly still but his voice carries an anguish of its own.

Wolf works his hand into Cub's smaller one, stimulating his palm so that he instinctively grasps his hand.

"See you can move now. Your safe Cub," he soothes him with an earnest voice "The bastard didn't get you. We didn't leave."

Alex seems to have heard him and his other hand tightens around Eagle's as well before lifting in an aborted gesture to reach for his eyes.

His head tosses back and forth while Eagle presses the call button to signal the nurses.

"You're okay Cub." Wolf is still saying when Alex squeezes his hand and turns to focus on the general vicinity of his voice.

"Wolf?" his voice is croaking and whispery

"Yeah, I'm here. You're safe. Eagle's hear too."

Alex doesn't seem to acknowledge the rest of his sentence; his hand shakes fearfully and so does his voice.

"Wolf, why can't I see?"

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**Not quite a cliffhanger but sort of. I'll try to make sure not to take so long again. I've decided to complete my stories before I post them now so I have a new story that I'm very proud of called Reading Between the Lines Of Men that I'm working on. No date yet on when it will be released so stay tuned.**


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